2017 · College · goals · gypsy · Uncategorized

Procrastination…

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I won’t let myself get behind on college work is probably the biggest lie I tell myself these days. I started out the year strong, I was 6 weeks ahead of the course schedule, I was keeping on top of it. This lasted until the first assignment that I found ridiculously difficult and I hated everything about college. It wasn’t even that hard of an assignment honestly looking back but at the time I just could not for the life of me get my head around it. In my usual fashion I saw failure on the horizon and decided that I wasn’t going to try. I wallowed for about 2 days then sucked it up and got it done and I got a higher mark than I was expecting. But then came Christmas and I didn’t even think about college. There was too much going on and I decided that going out and spending time with my friends and family was more important because well I’m a procrastinator and what else would I do.

I am the queen of procrastination. Assignment due in 2 weeks? That’s loads of time, I’ll just watch Sherlock from the start again and then I’ll get on it. Oh what’s that I hear? The sound of anything bloody else I could be doing! It calls and I follow and then find myself stressed out and promising myself it’ll never get that bad again. This is also a lie. So this year I am really going to try get on top of it.

Anybody who knows me knows I love social media. With my social anxiety when I am alone in a crowded place or waiting on somebody or just generally feel vulnerable I am attached to my phone. Bad habit I know but it is what it is. Instagram and YouTube are my absolute favourites and I can spend way to long on these. These are my tools of procrastination. So I decided today to delete the apps from my phone. Facebook, Messenger, Instagram, Youtube and Snapchat. All gone bye bye because even when I am studying my phone buzzes and I automatically check it. So that’s step 1.

Step 2 is working ahead. I have 2 assignments due and then a break week for each module so I am going to take that time to get ahead in the modules so if something does come up then I am equipped to take a day off. Right now if I take a day off I’m going to fail so I need to get on it.

Sleep is Step 3. Naps are also a downfall because I LOVE a good nap. Between that and the fact that I have been having a social life that has been cutting into my normal sleep schedule I need to get more sleep. I do however have a rubber arm and find it hard to say no to a good night out, I would say that’s a point I need to work on however I’m having fun so just no lol.

Anyway I’m off to go do some assignments. Wish me luck, God knows I need it!

Until next time, let your gypsy soul wander.

2017 · Anxiety · goals · gypsy · Just Me · Lifestyle · resolutions · Uncategorized

2017 New Year, Same Me.

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Back to the blog. I am filled with fantastic intentions that this will be a regular occurrence but lets be honest my track history tells a very different story so we shall see what happens.

So its officially 2017 and I for one am glad to see the back of 2016. 2016 was a hard year that taught me a lot about myself but I wouldn’t ever want to relive it. So this time of year you start to see the usual “New Year, New Me” posts that circulate on Facebook, Instagram, Snap Chat etc. People join gyms, give up smoking, start clean eating, apply to go back to school. They start the year with grandiose plans with step by step plans and lists and noticeboards and journals. They have great intentions and start off with gusto. In fairness there are some people who will keep this up for the year, I personally have never met them but I am told that they exist. I set goals rather than new years resolutions because constant improvement works so much better for me in my life.

I managed to achieve most of my goals from lat year and this year I have set some more. This year I have a few like go somewhere spectacular on holiday, read 20 books and finish college with a 2:1 which means I need above 80 on nearly every assignment and exam this year and get back driving (preferably without having a panic attack every time there’s traffic). I do need to drink more water and I have to remember to take my supplements because all the scary warnings they gave me after my surgery to take them apparently didn’t have an effect and I have been not taking them more than taking them which is only going to lead to trouble in the long run.

But this year I am mostly working on me. Last year taught me a lot about who I am as well as those around me. I for the first time in my life seem to have a grasp on who I am as well as what I want which if you know me is a bloody miracle in itself. I am moody  and sensitive (too much so at times), I like to take care of people and I’m probably a bit too naive if I’m honest. But all these things make me well me and this year I am accepting that. I want to put myself out there more, I want to take opportunities that I usually let pass me by because I am scared, I want to go on dates and feel confident in myself, I want to be OK with being me which believe me is harder than it looks.

That’s why this year you won’t hear me saying New Year, New Me – I am saying New Year, Same Me and hopefully over the course of the year I will be OK with being the same old me.

Anybody make any resolutions?

Until next time, let your gypsy soul wander.

 

Family · gypsy · Just Me · Uncategorized

Being busy, priorities and juggling it all.

I am seriously in awe of anybody that can do everything, make commitments, stick to them, have everything in their lives so in order that they actually have it together. So when this was posted on Instagram the other day it stuck a chord with me.

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This implies that if you don’t make time for something then it doesn’t matter to you. It implies that all you simply have to do is make the time and voila you have your priorities in order. This image is a load of bullshit.

Short of actually being a witch that has a time turner or having a watch that stops time like in that weird program on the BBC when I was a kid or being able to function on no sleep you cannot just simply create time from nowhere. I know that the meaning of “make time” in this context means you bump other things that are “not as important” to make time. Maybe its adult responsibility or maybe its my goals but I know that I for one do not have that luxury to bump the main things that take up my time.

Work I have down. I turn up on time, I do my job and I go home. It is the one stable constant in my life that come hell or high influenza I will always do. I have a no calling in sick policy (unless I’m contagious) and I like the stability it brings to my life. So seen as I do it all the time and I am handling it well does that make it top on my list of priorities? Honestly without a job I can’t really do much. Money makes the world go round and all that jazz so would I say its my top priority? No I wouldn’t but it would be hard to do anything else if I didn’t have it so its high on the list so bumping it to “make time” not really an option.

College I am coping with OK. Studying the two courses at a higher level means that the reading time alone is taking so much longer than previous years as A) having mild dyslexia my mind tends to wander unless I am thoroughly engaged and interested in the topic and B) I also have to look up lots of words online to try to make sense of it. I have gone from having maybe 20 hours of work a week last year to about 36 to 40 this year depending on how hard I find the material. It is a challenge and I am enjoying it as I love to learn (I know I’m a complete nerd, I’ve accepted it) but would I rather be chilling with my friends? Yes of course I would. But studying gets me closer to my degree which in turn gets me closer to the career I want so is it my top priority? At the moment considering how much it’s costing me and how much I’ve sacrificed to be able to study, yes it is my top priority after family. I’m not going to apologize for it either which means it’s also not getting “bumped” to make time.

Dancing I am just starting to find my groove with the two extra nights per week this year so I will refrain from commenting  for now until I see where all this lands when the dust settles and if I can realistically fit all of it in. I may need to make some changes so that I can fit it into the schedule. Bottom line is: Is dancing my top priority? No. Are the children I teach and how changes may affect them my priority? Most definitely but I am on a learning curve right now and eventually I will find how it works for me. Dancing is not a job its a passion and I love nothing more than to see the girls smashing my choreography and seeing them stand a little taller and prouder when they feel like they’ve accomplished something. It is important to me so also not getting “bumped”.

Family and friends are the areas I am failing most in these days. I honestly couldn’t tell you the last time I have seen some of them. This is why I think the image struck such a chord with me. My top priorities have always been and will continue to be my family and friends and that image made me feel like I was a bad person for not seeing them or “making time” to see them (I know I know talk about reading too much into something but hey this is me welcome to my world). I have wanted nothing more than to call my friends and say “come on let’s go on one of our impromptu road trips to nowhere at 11pm at night” but unfortunately we are all adults now with responsibilities and their schedules are just as hectic as mine. But I am blessed with people in my life who understand that here is such a thing as too busy, that just because I am being a boring nerd and decide to study instead of going out they don’t hold it against me (they so however text me drunk and make me wish I was there).

So I’m just going to come out and say it. I can’t juggle it all. Honestly I don’t think anybody ever really has it together, I think we all just have ways of making it look like we do. But I digress, at the moment I am trying to juggle dancing, college, work, family and friends and honestly I’m pretty much failing. I may have 137 unread emails (only 49 of which actually are awaiting a response from me), lots of texts/whatsapp/viber/messenger messages that I have not yet read or responded to, 3 voice mails and plenty of calls to return but right now I am too busy to add anything else into my schedule and if you want to take that as you are not important to me then go right ahead, send me an email about it, I’ll get around to it eventually. But honestly it’s definitely not going to be until at least November 7th.

That image can go and kiss my ass.

Until next time. let your gypsy soul wander.

 

 

 

 

Anxiety · gypsy · Lifestyle

The Golden Rule…

So when I was in school we had a teacher who informed us the most important rule to follow was the golden rule “Treat others as you would like to be treated”. Now this is not going to be a sanctimonious post about how to treat each other more about how we are treating each other is making me feel. Recently and I don’t know if it is because of the US Presidential election and having to look at Trump’s face or Brexit and people being asked where they were born or Kim Kardashian getting robbed and people thinking that’s OK to joke about but everybody seems to be very mean to each other over the past few weeks. Whether it is Facebook, Twitter, Instagram the trolls seem to be out in force.

I am a sensitive person and I feel things too much sometimes and all this negativity has been getting to me. Friends who support Trump wholeheartedly are really making me upset and wonder why these smart, caring, kind and educated people are blindly following him and excusing his actions. I don’t understand it and by excusing his comments and behaviour you are attempting to normalise it which completely rubs me up the wrong way. Seeing people get into keyboard warrior fights on Facebook posts with other people who vehemently support Hillary. But instead of understanding that everybody is entitled to their opinion and agreeing to disagree like adults it then falls into a name calling match that has included pictures being taken from profiles of not only them but their kids, photo shopped into some horrific images and posted on the internet in reply to a differing opinion all because neither would back down. I understand being passionate but to me that is too far. But the thing that makes me saddest of all is that for every keyboard warrior there are 100 other people liking those posts and backing up the ill treatment of others. It’s also not only the Trump supporters the Hillary supporters do it too. Also the news coverage is polarising and hateful too. The election has been dragged out for too long. What is it now like two years since all this has started? Please just pick somebody and start to deal with the consequences.

Another thing that is getting to me but I cannot put into words what I’m feeling because I honestly don’t know yet. It started with because of Brexit, schools asking parents where their child was born and all the nasty headlines about deporting foreign workers no matter how exaggerated these headlines are the fact that they are happening so close to home makes me anxious about the future of our little island.  We share a border with the UK and where we go from here is so uncertain that it’s scary.

I know I sound like a complete naive idiot but please can we just start to treat each other like we would like to be treated or at least just be civil. We all don’t have to agree at all but we can find a way to let the disagreements not turn us into nasty, name calling, assholes. I just can’t take the negativity much longer.

I also find myself relating to this Mean Girls character a lot more which I’m not sure is a good thing. I’ll let you decide…

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Until next time, let your gypsy soul wander x

 

books · favourites · gypsy · Just Me · Lifestyle · music · tv show

October Favourites

Wow two posts in two days I’m on a roll (don’t get used to it lol) So as the title suggests here is my October Favourites List:

October Fav Song: 

This makes me sing at the top of my lungs (in the shower or the car or well anywhere really) and the beat makes me think I’m Shakira and let me tell you my hips don’t lie lol. I will however not look at the video as it gives me the heebie jeebies with the snake.

October Fav Book:

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So I don’t have a lot of time to read things that aren’t college books anymore but I made time to read this little gem which has been sitting on my kindle for months (and I have started and not gotten through it about 6 times) and it was a great book. The concept is so out there and you don’t really know what exactly is going on until the moment it clicks and you feel personally wounded. I can’t say much more without giving it away but I would recommend this book.

 

October Fav Movie:

So as anybody that knows me knows my fav youtubers are Mamrie, Grace and Hannah and they just brought out a new movie Dirty 30 and I have to say I love it a) because I can totally relate to Kate the main character and b) because its really damn funny. You can download from iTunes or if you’re in the US you can get it at Target. It really is worth a look.

October Fav TV Show: 

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An oldie but a goodie. In preparation for the release of the new Gilmore Girls I have been re-watching the originals from the start (I really love Netflix) and I love it just as much as I did when I watched it religiously as a kid (secretly pretneding to like coffee so I could be more like Rory) I hated the way it ended and am so happy that we may finally get closure. It’s no new series but it’ll do.

October Fav Makeup:

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Now don’t die of shock or anything but yes this is me that has a makeup fav on the list. I have not been kidnapped, this is not a cry for help but I am really loving playing around with makeup recently. I haven’t lost the run of myself or anything I don’t wear it every day but this Illuminator by Anastasia Beverly Hills kinda makes me want to. It is just so easy to apply and makes such a difference.You only need to use the smallest amount and the pigment is great. I have had some trouble blending it but I don’t know if that’s my lack of skills or the makeup lol.

Well that iall folks, what are you loving this October?

Until next time, let your gypsy soul wander.