2017 · Anxiety · goals · gypsy · Just Me · Lifestyle · resolutions · Uncategorized

2017 New Year, Same Me.

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Back to the blog. I am filled with fantastic intentions that this will be a regular occurrence but lets be honest my track history tells a very different story so we shall see what happens.

So its officially 2017 and I for one am glad to see the back of 2016. 2016 was a hard year that taught me a lot about myself but I wouldn’t ever want to relive it. So this time of year you start to see the usual “New Year, New Me” posts that circulate on Facebook, Instagram, Snap Chat etc. People join gyms, give up smoking, start clean eating, apply to go back to school. They start the year with grandiose plans with step by step plans and lists and noticeboards and journals. They have great intentions and start off with gusto. In fairness there are some people who will keep this up for the year, I personally have never met them but I am told that they exist. I set goals rather than new years resolutions because constant improvement works so much better for me in my life.

I managed to achieve most of my goals from lat year and this year I have set some more. This year I have a few like go somewhere spectacular on holiday, read 20 books and finish college with a 2:1 which means I need above 80 on nearly every assignment and exam this year and get back driving (preferably without having a panic attack every time there’s traffic). I do need to drink more water and I have to remember to take my supplements because all the scary warnings they gave me after my surgery to take them apparently didn’t have an effect and I have been not taking them more than taking them which is only going to lead to trouble in the long run.

But this year I am mostly working on me. Last year taught me a lot about who I am as well as those around me. I for the first time in my life seem to have a grasp on who I am as well as what I want which if you know me is a bloody miracle in itself. I am moody  and sensitive (too much so at times), I like to take care of people and I’m probably a bit too naive if I’m honest. But all these things make me well me and this year I am accepting that. I want to put myself out there more, I want to take opportunities that I usually let pass me by because I am scared, I want to go on dates and feel confident in myself, I want to be OK with being me which believe me is harder than it looks.

That’s why this year you won’t hear me saying New Year, New Me – I am saying New Year, Same Me and hopefully over the course of the year I will be OK with being the same old me.

Anybody make any resolutions?

Until next time, let your gypsy soul wander.

 

Anxiety · gypsy · Lifestyle

The Golden Rule…

So when I was in school we had a teacher who informed us the most important rule to follow was the golden rule “Treat others as you would like to be treated”. Now this is not going to be a sanctimonious post about how to treat each other more about how we are treating each other is making me feel. Recently and I don’t know if it is because of the US Presidential election and having to look at Trump’s face or Brexit and people being asked where they were born or Kim Kardashian getting robbed and people thinking that’s OK to joke about but everybody seems to be very mean to each other over the past few weeks. Whether it is Facebook, Twitter, Instagram the trolls seem to be out in force.

I am a sensitive person and I feel things too much sometimes and all this negativity has been getting to me. Friends who support Trump wholeheartedly are really making me upset and wonder why these smart, caring, kind and educated people are blindly following him and excusing his actions. I don’t understand it and by excusing his comments and behaviour you are attempting to normalise it which completely rubs me up the wrong way. Seeing people get into keyboard warrior fights on Facebook posts with other people who vehemently support Hillary. But instead of understanding that everybody is entitled to their opinion and agreeing to disagree like adults it then falls into a name calling match that has included pictures being taken from profiles of not only them but their kids, photo shopped into some horrific images and posted on the internet in reply to a differing opinion all because neither would back down. I understand being passionate but to me that is too far. But the thing that makes me saddest of all is that for every keyboard warrior there are 100 other people liking those posts and backing up the ill treatment of others. It’s also not only the Trump supporters the Hillary supporters do it too. Also the news coverage is polarising and hateful too. The election has been dragged out for too long. What is it now like two years since all this has started? Please just pick somebody and start to deal with the consequences.

Another thing that is getting to me but I cannot put into words what I’m feeling because I honestly don’t know yet. It started with because of Brexit, schools asking parents where their child was born and all the nasty headlines about deporting foreign workers no matter how exaggerated these headlines are the fact that they are happening so close to home makes me anxious about the future of our little island.  We share a border with the UK and where we go from here is so uncertain that it’s scary.

I know I sound like a complete naive idiot but please can we just start to treat each other like we would like to be treated or at least just be civil. We all don’t have to agree at all but we can find a way to let the disagreements not turn us into nasty, name calling, assholes. I just can’t take the negativity much longer.

I also find myself relating to this Mean Girls character a lot more which I’m not sure is a good thing. I’ll let you decide…

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Until next time, let your gypsy soul wander x

 

Anxiety · Disney · Travel

Disney Cruise Apprehension…

I love cruising. If I had money I would do every itinerary available every year. Disney cruises are my favourite because it’s all the atmosphere of Walt Disney World but you don’t need a vacation afterwards to recover. On this cruise are several friends I’ve cruised with before. We met through the Facebook group for previous cruises and those are my Disney people. The ones who when I say there is a free dining offer at Walt Disney World get why I am excited about that. The ones that will understand why I stress over my FE gifts. The ones who if I need anything from the Disney store and can’t get it here they will go look for it and if they get it bring it in their suitcase for me, I do this for them too. They’re just all around good eggs. I am looking forward to making some more friends on this cruise too. It was while I was thinking about this that something dawned on me. Every friend I made on the previous cruises were because A) I met them at a drinks tasting/champagne girls/bar event or B) I met them beside the adult pool in the smoking area. I know you don’t see my problem with this but here goes: I am now a non smoker and on this cruise I can’t drink much so am not doing any of the tastings.

So I’m worried about meeting new people. Smoking was my crutch because its easy make small conversation while there is a smoke hanging out of your mouth. You know that you are sharing that table or standing with the fellow smoker for however long it takes for you to finish that cigarette. Its a relatively small time commitment that you will be talking. The weather, where they are from and how many cruises have you been on generally cover the whole time and then you know a little bit and you build up from there the next time you run into them. That’s how I met most of my cruise friends. The drinks tastings are the same generally everybody is in a good mood and the people you meet at the open bar event are then at mixology and so on. So basically I’m worried that I’m going to be a loner on this cruise. Which is ridiculous because I have friends already going.15c

I’m also worried about eating. On a cruise you share a table at dinner with other cruisers. Since the gastric bypass if something does not agree with me then it leads to me getting sick and I will have to excuse myself from the table pretty sharpish to make it to the bathroom. I can only eat minuscule amounts and I will be trying some new things and basically I’m probably going to have to run to the bathroom more than once and well its not really the most appetizing sight. So I’m worried about how I’m going to be perceived by the tablemates and also that they’ll think I have some sort of communicable disease and sit as far away from me as possible.

I think its just generally my anxiety levels are high. I have been stressing out this week about many things. Packing, FE gifts, flying (not apprehension about flying because I love it but what if they are cancelled), did I leave everything ready for Cubs, did I text all the parents and give out all the notes and leave the plans and well honestly I am being Anxiety Girl and just generally freaking out.

See I make lists months in advance and then work through them. I am on top of things. I am woman hear me roar. Then something small changes one of my plans and the doubt starts. This is the inner monologue in my head when the doubt starts: “Well if that has gone wrong what else has? Lets double check everything you have checked off. Oh look theres a small change on that too. What else have you gotten wrong. Ok you can recover from this. Just change that… no screw it damn it all I am starting over I’ll just start again!” Which usually involves more lists. 3N5MZ7p

I ended up freaking out, contemplated going to woman island but resisted the urge and separated the things into two lists. List 1 was things that I could not possible even think about not doing like cub meeting planning, printing travel documents, FE gifts, packing underwear etc and list 2 was things I had hoped to get around to washing the dogs, getting my hair done etc.

So I may have grey hair, I may have dogs that could do with a wash, I may not have gotten my new bare minerals makeup I wanted to bring but generally I have everything that is essential done. I am going to have to be ok with that too. I have scheduled a few posts for when I’m away so you will be seeing a lot of cruise related posts just fair warning.

Until next time, let your gypsy soul wander.