I am seriously in awe of anybody that can do everything, make commitments, stick to them, have everything in their lives so in order that they actually have it together. So when this was posted on Instagram the other day it stuck a chord with me.
This implies that if you don’t make time for something then it doesn’t matter to you. It implies that all you simply have to do is make the time and voila you have your priorities in order. This image is a load of bullshit.
Short of actually being a witch that has a time turner or having a watch that stops time like in that weird program on the BBC when I was a kid or being able to function on no sleep you cannot just simply create time from nowhere. I know that the meaning of “make time” in this context means you bump other things that are “not as important” to make time. Maybe its adult responsibility or maybe its my goals but I know that I for one do not have that luxury to bump the main things that take up my time.
Work I have down. I turn up on time, I do my job and I go home. It is the one stable constant in my life that come hell or high influenza I will always do. I have a no calling in sick policy (unless I’m contagious) and I like the stability it brings to my life. So seen as I do it all the time and I am handling it well does that make it top on my list of priorities? Honestly without a job I can’t really do much. Money makes the world go round and all that jazz so would I say its my top priority? No I wouldn’t but it would be hard to do anything else if I didn’t have it so its high on the list so bumping it to “make time” not really an option.
College I am coping with OK. Studying the two courses at a higher level means that the reading time alone is taking so much longer than previous years as A) having mild dyslexia my mind tends to wander unless I am thoroughly engaged and interested in the topic and B) I also have to look up lots of words online to try to make sense of it. I have gone from having maybe 20 hours of work a week last year to about 36 to 40 this year depending on how hard I find the material. It is a challenge and I am enjoying it as I love to learn (I know I’m a complete nerd, I’ve accepted it) but would I rather be chilling with my friends? Yes of course I would. But studying gets me closer to my degree which in turn gets me closer to the career I want so is it my top priority? At the moment considering how much it’s costing me and how much I’ve sacrificed to be able to study, yes it is my top priority after family. I’m not going to apologize for it either which means it’s also not getting “bumped” to make time.
Dancing I am just starting to find my groove with the two extra nights per week this year so I will refrain from commenting for now until I see where all this lands when the dust settles and if I can realistically fit all of it in. I may need to make some changes so that I can fit it into the schedule. Bottom line is: Is dancing my top priority? No. Are the children I teach and how changes may affect them my priority? Most definitely but I am on a learning curve right now and eventually I will find how it works for me. Dancing is not a job its a passion and I love nothing more than to see the girls smashing my choreography and seeing them stand a little taller and prouder when they feel like they’ve accomplished something. It is important to me so also not getting “bumped”.
Family and friends are the areas I am failing most in these days. I honestly couldn’t tell you the last time I have seen some of them. This is why I think the image struck such a chord with me. My top priorities have always been and will continue to be my family and friends and that image made me feel like I was a bad person for not seeing them or “making time” to see them (I know I know talk about reading too much into something but hey this is me welcome to my world). I have wanted nothing more than to call my friends and say “come on let’s go on one of our impromptu road trips to nowhere at 11pm at night” but unfortunately we are all adults now with responsibilities and their schedules are just as hectic as mine. But I am blessed with people in my life who understand that here is such a thing as too busy, that just because I am being a boring nerd and decide to study instead of going out they don’t hold it against me (they so however text me drunk and make me wish I was there).
So I’m just going to come out and say it. I can’t juggle it all. Honestly I don’t think anybody ever really has it together, I think we all just have ways of making it look like we do. But I digress, at the moment I am trying to juggle dancing, college, work, family and friends and honestly I’m pretty much failing. I may have 137 unread emails (only 49 of which actually are awaiting a response from me), lots of texts/whatsapp/viber/messenger messages that I have not yet read or responded to, 3 voice mails and plenty of calls to return but right now I am too busy to add anything else into my schedule and if you want to take that as you are not important to me then go right ahead, send me an email about it, I’ll get around to it eventually. But honestly it’s definitely not going to be until at least November 7th.
That image can go and kiss my ass.
Until next time. let your gypsy soul wander.